Pokemon Love
by Texas Longhorn
Summary: There are so many weird shippings for the Pokemon anime, and I have decided to try to "catch them all" in this fic.
1. Electricrockshipping

Hey Everybody! For those of y'all who don't know, I'm TexasLonghorn. I was doing a little research on Bulbapedia for my "real" fic that I am currently writing for Pokemon, when I came across a list of all the shippings for Poke Couples. Let me tell y'all, I was a little freaked out by some of the wierd couples people had created. So I decided to write a parody fic about all these odd ships and hopefully make y'all laugh. This first chapter is about one of the wierdest pairings I had found: Brock and Pikachu. Apparently it's called ElectricRockShipping, and I knew as soon as I read about it that I had to make it chapter one in my new fic. I don't want to give anything away, so please read and enjoy. Also, PLEASE REVIEW this fic and give me your feedback.

This is just a fun little humorous fic I'll be writing in my spare time, so unlike my "good" fic "A New Journey" I will not be setting a deadline publish date for this story, but I will say that it will probably be updated a few times a month, so keep your eyes peeled. Also, let me just take this chance to mention that if any of y'all are into Adventure/Romance/General Pokemon fics, then please check out the story of mine I just mentioned, "A New Journey". I would love to add some new readers and reviewers to that story to go along with the great fan-base that I already have. Enjoy!

* * *

"Well, I'm pretty hungry," Ash said, standing up and stretching his arms. He had just gained his seventh Sinnoh gym badge and now felt famished from the ordeal. "Who's up for some burgers and fries?"

"Oooh, me!" shouted Dawn, jumping up next to him.

"Piplup!" squeaked the small, penguin-like Pokémon perched on her head.

"Alright!" Ash celebrated. "You coming too, Brock?"

"Nah, I think I'll rest here with Pikachu for a while," Brock said, leaning back on the Pokémon Center sofa. "He needs to rest after that battle anyways, and I'm not that hungry."

"Oh, okay," Ash said, sounding slightly suspicious. "We'll bring you back something when we're done." He then left the rented room with Dawn and her Piplup and headed towards the Center's exit.

"Dawn?" he asked, as they stepped out of the hospital and into the cool evening air.

"Yes Ash?" she replied.

"Have you noticed that Brock's been hanging out with Pikachu a lot lately?"

"Um, actually, yeah," Dawn answered. "I didn't wanna say anything, but I have been thinking that it seems a little weird that Brock's been doing all that stuff with Pikachu these past few weeks."

"I know," said Ash. "Like taking all those walks with him in the woods and even treating him to that meal at that fancy restaurant he said _we _weren't mature enough to eat at."

"Something's up," Dawn concluded as she and Ash walked up to a small burger stand on the street corner.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"Sooo, Pikachu," Brock said as casually as he could. He looked down at the small electric mouse next to him on the sofa, intently watching the television.

_Just look at him, _Brock thought dreamily. _He's the picture of perfection. That beautiful yellow coat, those cute little feet, that zig-zag tail, those two eyes, that tick behind his right ear, those fifteen teeth, those brown stripes on his back, those two ears, those two black marks on the tips of those two ears, those two hands, uh…that cute, innocent, mousy appearance._

He had been taking their relationship slow, because he didn't want to freak Pikachu out or anything, but he felt that tonight was the night to express his true feelings.

He opened his mouth to begin the small speech he had prepared in order to express his true, passionate sentiments for the little Pokémon, but he closed it again quickly.

_This is going to be hard, _he thought. He knew that he was being held back by his societal upbringing. _Oh sure. Everyone demands equality, but no one cares about poor people like me who are homosexual bestialitists. Wait, is that a real word?_

"Pikachu," he stated, knowing that it was now or never. In his mind, he heard "Summer of '69" playing.

"Pika?" the mouse answered, turning his attention away from the television and giving it to Brock.

"I-I-I uh…I mean, I-I like, no love, you!" he declared, almost shouting. To his elation, he saw that the little creature's eyes were wide with what he assumed was happiness.

"I've loved you since we first met and I tried to kill you with my Onix," he continued, getting to the floor on one knee in front of the mouse. He could see that the Pokémon's feelings were mutual by the way he was slowly backing away.

_How cute, _Brock thought with a smile. _He's embarrassed that he feels the same way._

"Pi-pi-pika-pikachu!" the mouse replied, shaking his head violently as he held his arms in front of his body.

"I understand," Brock said, with a knowing look. "I want a hug too. C'mere you!" He then reached for the Pokémon, but missed his target.

"Pika!" cried Pikachu as he jumped from Brock's grasp and onto the top of the sofa. "Pika-pi-pikachu!" He continued shaking his head "no" at the man, but Brock didn't seem to be paying attention.

"It's a little late to play hard-to-get now," Brock sang. He reached up for Pikachu and grabbed him before he could escape.

"Give Daddy some sugar," he said, puckering his lips and leaning near Pikachu.

"Pika…chu!" shouted the electric mouse as it attempted to repel the hormone-crazed breeder with a Thunderbolt. However, because of its previous gym battle, it was too weak to release any voltage of energy.

With a "smack", Brock's puckered lips met Pikachu's electric-pouched cheek.

_This is happiness, _the breeder realized as he felt the love of his life shriek in joy at the outcome of their conversation.

"What the crap?" Brock suddenly heard Ash scream. As he looked over at the open door, he saw that Ash, Dawn, and Piplup had all dropped their burgers and were staring at Brock's lips suctioned to Pikachu's cheek.

"Pikachu, pi!" cried the yellow rodent to Ash as it put its two paws together in a praying-motion.

"This isn't what it looks like," Brock quickly tried to explain, pulling away from Pikachu.

"Brock, I knew you were desperate for a girlfriend," Dawn said, still appearing stunned, "but Pikachu?"

"You don't understand," Brock said, beginning to sob. "We were meant to be together! Why is our love different from anyone else's? Do we not feel the same as a regular married couple feel? Why should we be judged wrong if our emotion, love, is the same?"

"You're right Brock," Ash consented, bowing his head and putting his hands behind his back. "As a matter of fact, why don't we take a picture of the happy couple kissing?" he asked as he pulled a cell phone from his back pocket.

"Pika?" screamed the mouse in Brock's arms. He stared at Ash as if he were insane.

Brock pulled Pikachu in for another encounter as Ash took the picture.

"Wow, that's a really good pic," he said, as he turned and handed the phone to Dawn. "Isn't that a nice picture Dawn?"

"I guess so, but Ash-"

"Call Officer Jenny now," he ordered her in a whisper. "We have evidence."

Dawn ran out of the room to dial 9-1-1 and Ash turned back towards Brock to keep him distracted a few minutes.

Twenty minutes later, news agency vans were surrounding the police car as Brock lowered his head and entered the backseat of the vehicle.

"He's under arrest for attempting to have relations with another species," the officer informed the reporters and photographers who were trying to find out why the friend of an up-and-coming Pokémon trainer was being forced out of the Pokémon Center.

"Pikachu!" Brock cried from inside the car as he rolled down the window. "I'll never forget you!"

"Pikapi!" squealed Pikachu as he clung to Ash's neck tightly out of fear of the older man.

"There, there," Ash consoled, patting his buddy's back. "The bad man's gone now."

* * *

Author's Notes: I hope everyone enjoyed my attempt at a parody fic. Like I said, expect for this to be updated every couple of weeks. I am usually busy with writing my main fic, but when I catch a break, I'll continue to add on to this one. There are enough odd shippings to keep me in business for a while. Also, if anyone has any weird shippings of their own that they'd like me to write a parody about, just tell me in the review section and I'll definitely do it for you. Also, as I said above, if you get the chance please read and review my main fic "A New Journey". I have worked really hard on it, and always appreciate a new review, be it good or bad.

You know what I just realized? I think I just wrote the first Brock x Pikachu romance fic on this site. I guess that makes me a pioneer...right?


	2. Confusionshipping

You guys honestly thought you were going to get away, didn't you? Well, you're luck is over, because I now present the next installment of my poorly updated parody fic! In this chapter, well, you'll see. By the way, I seriously am not making these up. Look up the shipping list on Bulbapedia and you'll find electricrockshipping and confusionshipping. Just wanted y'all to know I'm not some perve. Also, as I promised, this fic is dedicated to tatewaki2000 for suggesting this pairing. If you review, please give me more pairings you would like to see (especially ones you think have never been made before). Who knows? If we try hard enough, we may get a new ship onto the Bulbapedia list (not like that's very hard). Anyway, on with the freaky stuff!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pokemon, or any of its affiliated companies including, but not limited to, 4Kids, The Pokemon Company, Game Freaks, or Cartoon Network. The characters written within this fic are soley based upon the fictional characters created by these companies, and the story is not meant to, nor will it, receive any monetary funding.

* * *

"Psyduck, you ruined another match for me!" Misty yelled angrily at the drowning duck Pokémon.

"PSY! PSYDUCK!" screamed the Pokémon in response. He thought Misty had called for him during one of her gym battles. In response, he emerged from his pokeball and accidentally landed in the gym's pool, thus forcing Misty to concede the match and another badge.

"That's the fourth time this week!" Misty scolded him as she picked him out of the water and placed him safely back on land. "I just don't know what I'm gonna do with you, you lazy duck!"

As she said this, Psyduck began to grow emotional. He felt bad for always hurting Misty's appearance as a competent trainer, but it was difficult for him to know when she was calling on him.

"Psy, psy, duck," apologized the Pokémon quietly as he bowed his head.

"'Sorry' just isn't good enough this time," Misty responded, sticking her nose in the air at him. "If you can't battle, then get out of my gym!"

With tears in his eyes, Psyduck obeyed his master and slowly began to exit the gym. Walking through the sliding glass doors, he looked back once more at his furious owner and regretted his inability to battle.

As soon as she saw the expression on his face before he waddled out of the gym, Misty immediately regretted her words.

_Why am I always so mean to him? _she wondered, taking a seat in one of the bleachers for audience members by the pool. She looked out at the calm water and began to reflect on her and Psyduck's relationship.

_Ever since I first met him, he's been a nuisance, _Misty thought haughtily to herself. However, as she cradled her head in her hands she saw his face in her mind, and couldn't help but feel a small tug in her heart. _I mean, he's _usually _been a nuisance, but sometimes he's been helpful._

She remembered the several times when Psyduck actually came to her rescue with a sudden headache and an instant knack for psychic abilities. She also remembered how completely smitten she felt at times like these, when he would be so masculine and take control of the situation, sending any opponents flying away from his master.

"Like, what's goin' on sis?" asked Violet, walking through the doors and into the pool arena. "Why you lookin' so glum?"

"Oh, hey Violet," Misty responded lamely. "I'm just thinking."

"Like, about what?" Violet asked, taking a seat next to Misty and grabbing her hand in sisterly comfort.

"Well, I just yelled at Psyduck and - "

"Stop right there little sis," Violet interrupted, putting a finger to her sister's open lips. "I, like, already know what the problem is."

"You do?" asked Misty, bewildered. Usually her sisters were too caught up in themselves to even know of Misty's existence, much less her personal problems.

"Like, yep," Violet affirmed with a nod. "You got the hots for Psyduck."

"What?" shouted Misty, inching away slightly from her older sister. However, despite her outward reaction, inside she felt her heart leap a little at the sudden announcement. She couldn't help but feel there may have been a bit of truth to Violet's statement.

"Like, I see the way you look at him when he's drowning," Violet said with a wink. "Every time he's flailing around, gasping for air you look at him in, like, the sweetest way!"

"I do not!" Misty yelled back, though she couldn't resist the blooming blush upon her lily-white cheeks.

"Like, you're turning, like, red little sis!" Violet stated, pointing at Misty's face. "That's like sooooo cute!"

"What's so cute?" asked Daisy as she and Lily stepped into the gym and walked in front of their siblings.

"Misty's got a crush on Psyduck!" Violet announced in a sing-song, mock voice.

"Well, like, duh," Lily responded flippantly to the news. "I've known that since she, like, called us to tell us about her capturing, like, him. It's, like, obvious you two were meant for each other."

"Are not!" Misty yelled back, feeling her cheeks grow redder under her sisters' glares.

_Why am I denying the truth? _Misty asked herself as her sisters beamed at her, the flush on her face ample evidence of her lie.

"Aw, like, forget it guys," Daisy said, turning around and heading back towards the doors. "She's, like, not old enough to understand her feelings." As she said this, she smirked a little, knowing that Misty's competitive nature would not allow this statement to go unchallenged.

"What did you say?" Misty asked in a low, growling voice.

"You heard me!" Daisy shot back, spinning around on her heels. "You don't have what it takes to understand love!"

"I do so!" Misty shot back.

"Then prove it!"

"I love Psyduck! Alright?" Misty yelled. Immediately after the comment escaped her pink lips, she covered her mouth, utterly in shock at the words. Had she really just announced to her sisters the very truth she had been refusing to tell herself all these years?

"Ohhhhh!" Violet cooed, putting a hand on Misty's lap. "That is, like, sooooo adorable!"

"Do you, like, mean it Misty?" Daisy asked, as Violet and Lily wrapped their amorous sister in for a hug.

"O-Of course I do," Misty replied, slightly shaken from what had just occurred.

"Well then," Daisy began, walking through the doors and holding them open. "What are you waiting for? I saw Psyduck outside trying to hitchhike."

"No way!" Misty shrieked, getting up from the bench and sprinting out the door.

_If he leaves, I'll never forgive myself! _Misty thought as she raced out of the front lobby entrance and towards the end of the pathway leading to the gym. In the distance, she saw Psyduck hopping in a car. He had a stick on his shoulder which had a red handkerchief tied to its end.

"Psyduck!" yelled Misty before the love of her life closed the door to the car, and her heart.

"Psy?" the duck Pokémon questioned, looking to his right to find Misty racing towards him with open arms. Had his dreams finally become a reality?

Deciding to find out if Misty was thinking the same as him, Psyduck jumped out of the stranger's car and waddled into Misty's still-running legs, causing her to trip and hit the hard pavement.

"That's okay," Misty said, grimacing slightly as she saw her knee bleed a little from the fall. "I should've remembered you're three feet shorter than me. Besides, I have something really important to tell you."

"Psyduck?" asked the Pokémon in earnest curiosity, praying that he already knew what she wanted to say.

"Psyduck, I love you!" Misty yelled hugging Psyduck tightly.

"Duck!" replied the Pokémon joyously. He had been hoping she was going to say that he could have an aspirin due to his constant headaches, but this was even better! He happily hugged Misty back, and they sat on the ground like that for a few minutes, though it felt like only a couple of seconds to the young lovers.

"I'm so h-happy you feel the same," Misty said, reluctantly pulling away from the hug as she looked into the eyes of her new guardian. She knew that as long as it wasn't near water, he would always help her during any crisis.

It was then that Psyduck decided to make his move. He slowly pulled Misty towards him for what was sure to be one of many passionate kisses.

This being her first kiss, and knowing the same as Psyduck, Misty eagerly closed her eyes and leaned in towards her water Pokémon, knowing she was about to experience joy in its purest form.

Soon enough, though it felt like hours to the two anticipating participants, Misty felt the cold tingle of Psyduck's bill on her mouth. Though she really couldn't do much with a bill, she made the most of the magical moment and kissed him for several minutes trying, if possible, to make herself a permanent attachment to his face. As they kissed, she ran her fingers through his three long, luxurious, strands of hair. She tried to take in every aspect of the moment, though she knew the pure ecstasy could never be fully contained in memory.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry, what?" Ash asked, as he, Pikachu, Piplup, Brock, and Dawn all leaned in closer to the telephone screen at the Pokémon Center to insure that they had heard the water trainer correctly.

"I said we're getting married!" Misty exclaimed again in a high-pitched voice. Her friends appeared to be shocked by the good news.

"Y-you and Psyduck?" Brock asked, appearing shocked for an unknown reason.

"Of course, silly," Misty responded. Normally her temper would have gone off at the trainers' hearing impairments. She had already been asked to repeat herself twelve times, and was beginning to grow impatient. However, love seemed to have taken the edge off of her personality. "I'm amazed you guys didn't see it! Even Daisy, Lily, and Violet noticed, and you know how dense they are!"

"I-I-I," Dawn began. "I-I think this is wrong and sick."

"Aw," Misty said, her smile diminishing slightly in sympathy. "I understand that you're probably a little jealous, but that's no reason to call what I have 'sick'. I bet in a few years you and Piplup will have the same relationship." As Misty said this, she pointed at the small penguin between Dawn's arms.

"Oh my gosh, you are seriously messed up!" Dawn yelled, covering Piplup's would-be ears and running away.

"Oh well, I guess she doesn't understand love yet," Misty said with a knowing smile. She remembered being that naïve.

"Uh, yeah," Ash said, slowly backing away from the screen. "Uh, listen Mist, we're going through a tunnel so we'll probably lose you in a sec."

"A tunnel?" Misty asked, intrigued. "I thought you were in a Pokémon Center."

"Oh, uh, yeah, it's just, uh, that – Click."

With that, the screen went black.

Shrugging, Misty decided that her friends were probably just a little stressed at the moment over the Sinnoh League that was coming up. Remembering all she had to do, she hurriedly ran up to her room and grabbed her suitcase. She then headed out to the car where her sisters and Psyduck were all waiting.

As she snuggled next to her soul mate in the backseat, she couldn't believe how lucky she was. In a few hours, she and her Pokémon would be in Utah celebrating to the music of matrimony.

* * *

Alright, so this was another human/pokemon fic, and I hope everyone was as disturbed reading it as I was writing it. Next chapter, I'm going to take JellyBrain's suggestion and do an AshxAshley fic (which will be hard since they're the same person). Thank you to all my reviewers by the way. Here are my responses to y'all's comments.

TW2000: Glad to hear you enjoyed chapter one. It was fun to write. Thanks for the PsyduckxMisty idea, by the way.

MC: I know, right? Bulbapedia has a ton of really messed up ships, like Ash and his mom. I'm kind of leaning on not writing that up...it seems too creepy even for this fic.

DTMCC: I was happy to know I introduced you to a new ship, and the best part (in my opinion) is that I think this fic is the only one to have an electricrockshippy chapter in it.

JB: Like I said, I'm doing your idea next! Mwahahahaha!

FR4E: Thanks for the compliment.

PT: No problem, I've been pretty obsessed with writing my fics too. Anyway, I have no idea who came up with that ship. Probably some weird-o living with his mom.

T0W: Thanks for the compliments. Yeah, I have a lot of guy authors whose fics I enjoy as well, but I know many people here think women make better authors (I don't though).

SA: Thanks for the new idea! I think a MistyxMallet fic could be a great chapter!

LJB: Sorry to hear I ruined an American classic for you, but on a bright note it doesn't get much creepier than Brock and Pikachu, right?

PS101: I honestly have no clue...

Again, thanks to all reviewers for your time. I hope everyone her reads, REVIEWS, and enjoys this fic.


	3. Dopplegangershipping

Hey you guys! Well, it's been ten months since my last update, but I have a good reason! I've basically been putting this story on hiatus until I finish my main fic, "A New Journey". Usually that story takes up all of my time, and I just didn't have the extra space in my schedule to work on this one. However, I've received several new reviews on this in the last couple of weeks, all urging me to continue, so I decided to update. Also, I have to admit, this was really fun to work on! It's a nice change of pace to just write something goofy like this without having to worry about details and plot devices and whatnot. So yeah, basically what I'm saying is that I'll be updating this more regularly now that I remember how much fun it is to work on. Though it won't have a regular update schedule like my other fic, I can assure y'all the next chapter will come out quicker than this one.

Anyway, this is a dopplegangershipping fic, which I promised (in my last chapter) to do. Don't know what dopplegangershipping is? Then read this story...and REVIEW PLEASE!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pokemon, or any of its affiliated companies including, but not limited to, 4Kids, The Pokemon Company, Game Freaks, or Cartoon Network. The characters written within this fic are soley based upon the fictional characters created by these companies, and the story is not meant to, nor will it, receive any monetary funding.

* * *

"Is he still in there?"

"Yup. He's been inside all morning. I wonder what's going on?"

Brock knocked on the Pokémon Center's bathroom door carefully. "Ash are you in there? Dawn says you haven't come out yet."

A small giggle escaped from the lavatory before the sound of Ash clearing his throat permeated the relative quiet. "Uh, I'm fine guys. I'm still in here, but I'll be out in just a couple of minutes."

"What's the matter?" Dawn inquired. "Are you sick?"

"Pika-pikachu?"

"No, guys. I'm fine, promise. I'm just…a little busy right now."

Dawn shrugged at the Pokémon breeder. They needed to leave soon so they could make their way to Jubilife, but if Ash refused to leave the bathroom, then there was nothing they could do. "I just hope he finishes soon. Me and Piplup need one more ribbon before we can compete in the Johto Grand Festival."

"I know," Brock agreed. "I'm wanting to see the Nurse Joy from Jubilife again, myself. It's been a while, and I think that restraining order she placed against me only lasted a couple of months."

"I dunno, Brock. Don't you get tired of Croagunk poisoning you?"

"Nah. I'm used to it now."

"…alright then." Facing the bathroom door, she announced that they would go out for a little while and come back to pick Ash up immediately after. "Please be ready, Ash. We don't need to be late!"

All they heard in return was a series of girlish squeals. Giving a final curious glance at the barrier, the three left to get lunch.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"I think that went very well," Brock mentioned as the two humans and electric Pokémon reentered the Center an hour later. "She definitely seemed interested."

"Brock, she shot you with a taser gun and then you threw up on her shoes. That's not a successful pick-up."

"But she touched me, which is more than what most women do."

"Yeah, but only while she was kicking you in the gut for messing up her flip-flops."

He sighed. "I know…she's such a strong woman, isn't she?"

Dawn shook her head. "We should've brought Croagunk with us to stop you."

Looking around the lobby area, she was surprised to see that Ash still wasn't anywhere to be seen. "There is no way he's still in the bathroom, is there? I mean, he's already wasted the entire morning in there!"

"Let's check," Brock suggested, knocking on the door again. "Ash? You still in there?"

"Sorry guys," came a high-pitched voice from beyond the wall, followed by a series of coughs. "Uh, I mean, sorry you guys. My stomach just isn't feeling very well."

"I thought you said you were feeling fine," Dawn reminded, impatiently tapping her boot. "We won't get to Jubilife before midnight at this rate, Ash. Come out!"

"I'll be there in a sec."

"I can't wait anymore. Something's going on in there, Brock. We need to find out what it is."

"We could ask Nurse Joy for the key to get in," he suggested.

"That's a good idea! You wait here while I go and get her."

Running to the kind nurse, Dawn retrieved the key and quickly returned. She handed it over to Brock, who agreed to enter first alongside Pikachu in case Ash was really telling the truth. Fumbling with the lock for a moment, the breeder finally got in.

"Oh my…" his voice trailed off, and Dawn instantly covered her eyes in fear.

"I'm so sorry Ash. I thought you were lying about your stomach hurting. We'll leave you alone, I promise!"

"No, Dawn, look." Brock pointed weakly at the trainer who, though now aware of their presence, kept his lips firmly locked to the bathroom mirror.

Dawn's left eye began to blink rapidly without her compliance as she stared at the scene before her.

"Um, Ash," Brock began, Pikachu simply covering his eyes on top of the young man's shoulder, "w-why are you wearing a dress?"

"Uh…" he slowly pulled his face away from the mirror and stared down at his shoes in embarrassment. Though they were the nicest pair he could find at the mall that would match the dress, he couldn't help but feel silly standing in them before his friends. Clicking the high heels on the linoleum for a moment, he regained his composure. "I-I just was practicing my Ashley routine…y'know, in case we ever need to disguise ourselves again."

"Is that why you're wearing the wig too?" Dawn asked in a whisper. This was by far the most awkward moment of her life…even more so than the time Brock hit on her mom.

Pulling on his curly, golden locks, Ash gave another nod. "Exactly."

"Then why were you kissing the mirror?"

"I, well, you see, I just was, um-" He stopped himself. They could see tears begin to form in his eyes as he stared back down at the floor. However, he surprised both of them as he suddenly stamped his foot on the ground and looked back up, determinedly.

"I was making out with myself," he declared with all the pride of a transvestite.

Brock's eyes grew wide in surprise, which was, you know, weird since they're always closed. "You were kissing yourself?"

"Yep," Ash announced proudly, grabbing his hips in a highly-effeminate, yet surprisingly un-gay, sort of way. "I think I'm the best looking girl I've ever seen. People always think that I don't like girls because I'm too busy training Pokémon, but really I've just never seen a girl who can wear a dress as well as me."

"How long have you been doing this?" Dawn asked.

"Since I was ten and did it at Erika's gym."

"So almost the whole time I've known you?" Brock asked, his eyes still wide in a squinty sort of way.

"Yeah. And you know what? I'm not even ashamed!" He held his arms wide, as if trying to hug the world, before spinning around and singing "The Hills Are Alive". For a person with a gender crisis, he sang surprisingly well, but not well enough for the people watching him to forget he was a dude in a dress. It was more like a "third place winner on American Idol" kind of well.

"So you're gonna go around looking like this from now on?" Dawn asked, eyeing the trainer suspiciously.

_Maybe I'll hook up with Kenny after all if it means I can get away from this guy._ Instantly, thousands of Penguinshippers' spidey-senses started to tingle.

"Why not? I'm proud!" He began to march towards the bathroom door in such a proud fashion that the fact he fell over twice didn't seem to matter. However, once he reached the threshold, he stopped. Instantly, a cloud of doubt hazed over his eyes, and he turned back to look at himself in the mirror.

"Um…on the other hand," he began slowly, falling over again. "Maybe now's not the _best time_ to let everyone know about my true love." His face turned crimson as he faced his three friends, who were all too busy staring at their shoes to give him eye contact. In fact, Pikachu had used Agility to steal some shoes from a nearby store during Ash's speech just so he wouldn't have to look directly at his master and friend.

"Just give me a minute, alright?"

The three silently nodded in return before shuffling backward and allowing the door to close before them.

_This is even more awkward than the time I was caught making out with Vulpix,_ Brock realized as he sat next to Dawn. The two sat together in stunned silence as Pikachu tried to tie his newly-stolen shoes and resist the urge to steal something else. He had become a kleptomaniac after his first heist.

Two minutes later, Ash emerged, now looking normal. Pulling his cap low over his eyes, he walked towards his friends, who seemed to find it a little easier to look at him now, though not much easier to talk with him.

"Pikachu, Brock, Dawn?" he began.

"Yeah?" they replied, so enraptured in their curiosity about what he was about to say that they didn't even wonder how Pikachu just talked.

"Could we, um, not ever talk about what happened in the bathroom ever again? Sometimes I get a little carried away when I'm in a, um, well, you know."

"That's fine by me," Brock answered. He gave the trainer a weak, reassuring thumbs-up and a smile. He squinted his eyes extra hard just to let him know everything was okay.

"Sure, Ash," Dawn replied, flashing a small grin before looking away again.

"I can certainly understand your dismay, and I will not mention this small incident again…I mean, pika-pika!"

"Thanks guys." He looked up from beneath the bill of his cap, a determined look on his face. "Now let's get to Jubilife, and then the Sinnoh Championship!" He began to run for the door before tripping.

"Uh, Ash," Dawn said, following after the trainer. "You might wanna switch shoes first."

* * *

Well, I've now written the first dopplegangershipping fic on this site! I hope you all appreciate the boundaries I'm breaking in the name of Pokemon ships. Remember that these are actual pairs from Bulbapedia (not me just making them up because I'm so, so very lonely). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed/gagged, and that you'll leave me a REVIEW, telling me what you thought, and also maybe a pairing you'd like to see in the future. For next chapter, I've already decided that I'm going to do a Brock X Ash's mom fic...yeah, I was just a little queasy reading that too. Ha,ha. Until then!


	4. Marishipping

Another update? Yep! But it's not the one I promised. I WILL have my Brock and Delia one up soon, but I was just too inspired to not write this one first. I read a fic a few days ago where the author injected herself into her own shipping fic (terrible idea, by the way), and this idea instantly came to mind. So please enjoy this Marishipping fic! It's not very creepy, but it's unbelievably unlikely.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the office at the end of the darkened hallway. What I saw made me gasp…but before I go further, maybe I should go backward (or de-further).

A few weeks ago, I was busy lifting weights, as per usual, when the mailman stopped by.

"Hey Jeff," I greeted, ruggedly curling the dumbbell and showing off my toned…something or other. "What's up?"

"Um, my name's Cindy, for starters," Jeff informed me, brushing his red bangs from his forehead.

"Ooooh. Tranny, huh?"

"No. Who are you?"

"The name's TexasLonghorn. You can call me TL." I gave him a sly wink. I don't roll that way, but I thought it would make him feel better about his life choice. "Anyway, what's in the mail today?" I guffawed at my inadvertent poetry. I then wondered what a guffaw was.

He started moving his lips, but I was too busy thinking if guffaw was a type of rabbit or stew to notice his exact words. No doubt he, like everyone I met, was talking about my good looks though.

"So yeah, anyway," I said, un-rudely interrupting him, "I gotta get back to my guns now. I'm thinking about eating some guffaw for lunch." The expression on his face helped me realize that guffaw was, indeed, a rabbit.

"Uh, why are you curling a carrot?"

"Gonna feed it to my guffaw later."

"Are you high?"

"On your face, maybe. Boo-yah!"

I held my hand up for a high-five, but he just walked away. Somehow, almost all my conversations wind up like that.

Anyway, I checked to see what Jeffy had left in the box. Opening it, I instantly threw all letters that didn't have the words "me" or "awesome" on the envelope. That left only one, which was indeed addressed to "me", from the Pokémon Company. Opening it, I was surprised to find it just had a ticket to Tokyo and a letter about twenty pages long describing why I was receiving the ticket. Being too awesome for reading (and, consequently, literacy), I simply threw the letter in the gutter, got in my truck, and drove to the airport. Being half-drunk, I only knocked over half as many lawn ornaments as I usually do, but that's beside the point.

I flew to Tokyo which, as I didn't imagine, took pretty friggin' long. On the globe it looks so close to Texas…but I may have mistaken Japan for Arkansas.

Anyway, I eventually stumbled through the doors of the Pokémon Company, now only a quarter drunk after the flight stewardess refused my demands for a bottle of gin. Not quite as drunkenly as I would've liked, I stumbled towards the desk and asked the kind receptionist where I was supposed to go, in what I assume was Japanese.

"I-o would-o like-o to-o know-o where-o to-o go-o."

"You must be Texas Longhorn," the woman replied. I was amazed at how quickly I'd picked up her native language. "Mr. Tonito is waiting on the fourth floor, at the end of the hallway."

"Gracias, bonjour," I muttered, no longer needing her. I walked confidently to the elevator and pushed the button. It took a while, but that's okay.

So that's how I got to that hallway, opening the door and gasping.

"Why are you gasping?" Mr. Tonito asked. I understood his Japanese as well.

"You're bald!" I gasped again, which was pretty difficult to do after having just gasped a moment earlier. I was feeling lightheaded.

"What?"

I smacked my head. "Where's my cultural sensitivity? You're-o bald-o dojo."

He frowned, now understanding what I said. "Please, Mr. TexasLonghorn, sit down." He motioned to a chair in front of his desk, but I remained standing.

"It's against my American code of awesomeness to sit down with a Nazi."

"I'm not a Nazi!"

Without even knowing it, he passed my only test for good character. Chuckling to myself at my own intelligence, I took a seat.

"So what do you want Mr. Toronto?"

"Besides you not calling me Mr. Toronto, I believe you already know what I want." He gave me a mysterious look, and I instantly feared for my life.

"What're you talking about? I don't know anything about copyright infringement or evil worldwide syndicates!"

"What? No, I'm not talking about that."

I slumped back in my chair, relaxing a little.

"Didn't you read the letter we sent you?"

"Oh, that thing? Nah. The TL doesn't read." Referring to myself in the third-person sounded a lot cooler in my head than it turned out to be in real life. I made a vow then and there to only do it a thousand more times.

Rolling his eyes, apparently from his awe of me, he cleared his throat. "Mr. TL, the reason we have contacted you is because we hear that you are one of the up-and-coming Pokémon authors in the world of fanfiction. To be specific, your story 'A New Journey' is quite the popular romance story amongst Pokémon fanfic lovers."

I tried to think of what he was talking about. Suddenly, I remembered. "Oh yeah! I remember that story! I outsourced it to a guy in India for twenty cents a month like a year ago. Is he still working on it?"

"I see you are a funny man, Mr. TL," Canada guy responded.

"Sure, whatever," I mumbled. I was too concerned about the two dollars and forty cents I apparently now owed the Indian guy to care about whatever he was saying.

"Anyway, since you apparently have skill in bringing together people of Pokémon, we decided that you would be the perfect beta tester for our latest invention. It literally brings you into the world of the anime and allows you to intervene in the storyline. Our studies show that kids would react positively to a certain couple, but unfortunately our writers are unable to develop a way in which these two characters would ever meet and fall in love, so we need you to do that for us."

"Who's the couple?" I asked, already grabbing his collar and sprawled across his desk in excitement while trying to retain my air of cool superiority and uninterestedness.

"May and Ritchie. I believe the small group already favoring the couple call themselves Marishippers."

"I can do it," I guaranteed. "I just have one question."

"Yes?"

"Who the crap is Ritchie?"

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

After I was clear on all the details, and after a certain high-speed chase which will almost certainly go down in Tokyo history as the most awesome thing to ever happen, I was ready to go. Mr. Toons or whatever hooked me up to a weird helmet which had goggles covering my eyes. He also had me sign some papers, which he cautioned I should read carefully before signing…yeah, right.

"Are you ready, Mr. TL?"

"Ready like a fox." I gave a thumbs-up, but quickly put it back down. I forgot I don't live in the eighties.

"That doesn't make sense, but whatever," he replied. I heard the sound of a switch flipping, and suddenly I saw a bright light.

Blinking rapidly, I quickly made out that I was looking directly at the sun. "Ouch." I then quit looking at the sun. It seemed like the obvious choice, in retrospect.

Looking around, I realized that I was in the middle of some hilly valley. There was a gentle breeze swaying alongside the bright luminescence of the sun, and I could almost taste the happiness in the air. It was kind of like that time I went to Six Flags.

Anyway, I decided I'd better start looking around. So that's what I did. Yeah…it took a while actually. I could talk about all the looking around I did, but it'd actually be pretty boring, so I won't. The only thing I'll say is that you should never cuss out a Spearow. Seriously, those things will mess you up.

Moving on, though, I eventually saw something interesting. It was a guy who looked like Ash, but had brown hair and a dorkier outfit. I immediately recognized Ritchie, and tried to resist the instant urge to kick him in the gut for looking like such a dork. He was apparently fighting some wild Caterpie with his Charmeleon. I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Huh?" he asked.

"'Huh' isn't a question."

"Who are you?"

"I'm TL from Texas, and I'm here to-"

"You wanna battle?" he asked excitedly, his freaky red lizard taking notice.

I stared at the ugly version of Charmander before shaking my head. "Nah, I'm good. I just am here to hook you up with this chick I know."

"You mean a Torchic? I don't need one. I already have a fire type on my team."

I almost smacked myself in the face, but then decided against it. Instead, I smacked him in the face. "No, moron, I'm here to hook you up with May."

"What's a May? Is it a new Pokémon in the Isshu region?"

"There's an Isshu region now?" I couldn't believe it. "Great, there goes that story my Indian guy's-I mean, I've been working so hard on. Screw it. Anyway, no, May's not a Pokémon. She's arguably the prettiest girl Ash ever travelled with, though I probably sound like a perv stating that."

"A girl? You wanna hook me up with a girl?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Well, I dunno." He began to blush, and I smacked him again.

"Be a man," I consoled helpfully.

"Okay, but first I wanna battle, at least. If I win, you leave me alone. If you win, then I'll go with you and meet this May girl."

"Alright," I agreed, taking out my only pokéball. "Though let me just say the fact you don't wanna start dating a girl at your age, especially considering your usual social interactions consist of giving orders to small animals, is a little weird."

"Whaddya mean?" His Charmeleon awaited the flick of my wrist.

"I mean you're gay."

"What's that?"

"Forget it." I threw my pokéball into the air and my Pokémon instantly came into view.

"A Mew?" I swear he almost fell over from a heart attack. "How'd you get one of those?"

"Mew Glitch." I shrugged. "The same way every kid in the nineties got one. It's just a house cat. Why're you so impressed?"

He didn't respond, but instead gaped at my pet for a couple more minutes. I smacked him in the head again, and that seemed to catch his attention. "Are we gonna battle or what?"

"Oh yeah! Uh, Zippo, use-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I interrupted, holding my sides as the laughter wracked my body. "What did you just call that gecko?"

"Um, Zippo?"

"You're Charmeleon's name is Zippo? How does that make any sense? Is he fast? No. Does he look like a hippo? No. The only conclusion I can make is you're retarded." I informed him of all this in the most sympathetic voice I could muster, while still laughing maniacally.

"Whatever," he replied, apparently getting annoyed by my levels of awesomeness. "Zip, use Flamethrower!"

The fire Pokémon shot a great deal of fire at my cat, which instantly made me stop laughing. "Hello Kitty, use something!"

"Wait, you named your Mew Hello Kitty, and you're making fun of me?"

"Yeah. Because at least my nickname makes sense."

As we went back and forth on whether or not I was being a hypocritical jerk, Hello Kitty pretty much just floated in the air with a pink bubble around him, or her, while the stupid Zipper thing kept shooting fire at it.

"Wait a minute, I think we should finish the battle," Ritchie commented, obviously not wanting to argue anymore…because he was losing, I think.

"You're right. I need you to get over to May anyway. HK, blow his Charmeleon up!"

"What?" His eyes shot wide in panic as Hello Kitty's eyes glowed an eerie white, along with his Pokémon's entire body. "You can't blow up my Pokémon!"

"Crap, seriously? Because I already blew up like twenty Spearows earlier to make a feather pillow. I'm pretty sure Hello Kitty can blow up whatever she wants."

"Okay then, I fortfeit!" Ritchie screamed, falling to the ground.

I raised my eyebrows, wondering why he was being so dramatic. "Alrighty then. Quit blowing him up, HK." My Pokémon immediately returned to their playful self. "Get back in the ball." The Mew returned in a beam of red light.

"Remind me to poke some air holes in this thing later," I mentioned to Ritchie as he put away his Pokémon. "I'm pretty sure she'll die in there if I don't."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"So then I said, that's no elephant, that's my wife!"

"What does that have to with my question?" Ritchie asked as our train slowed to a stop outside the Littleroot train station.

"Wasn't your question whether or not I knew a wife joke?"

"No. It was why are we going here?"

I rolled my eyes. I'm pretty sure he didn't ask that. "Well, if you must know, I think May's gonna be here. The Japanese guy who sent me here said she was doing a contest in this city, so I thought we might as well see if that's the truth."

"What Japanese guy?"

"The same one who draws your show."

Ritchie gave me the same look of confusion and nausea that almost every woman has when they first meet me. "I don't even wanna know what you mean by that. Let's just meet this girl so you can leave me alone."

"I thought you were supposed to be, like, the nicest guy on the show?" I asked as we dismounted.

"What show?"

"Forget it." I then marched him out of the station and into the conveniently-located contest hall across the street. As soon as we walked in, I immediately noticed the May kid, so I grabbed Ritchie by the arm and dragged him to her.

"Quit acting like a sissy and pulling away," I mumbled, in more of a yell than a mumble. "Just do this so I can get paid."

"Um, hi," the brunette greeted awkwardly as Ritchie continued to try and pull away. I threatened to make Mew blow him up, and that seemed to quiet him down momentarily.

"Finally," I said under my breath. "Anyway, my name's TL and his name is Ritchie. He's a dorky fourteen year old boy who obviously has some sexual orientation stuff goin' on, but that's not important. All that's important is that you date him, marry him, and have like twenty kids with him, because there are five people in the world who think you guys look cute together."

I took the shocked expression on her face to mean "yes", so instead of waiting for a reply, I quickly turned around, punched Ritchie in the shoulder while calling him "slugger", and walked out of the contest hall to find some kind of bar where I could get a Bloody Mary at ten in the morning.

The end.

NOT!

I wish that was the end, because the rest of the story really just goes downhill from this point. First off, much to my surprise, Littleroot Town is a dry city. So instead of getting drunk and hitting on women, I just had to hit on women…which is not easy to do sober.

"Hi," I greeted cheerfully as I approached Nurse Joy's desk in the Pokécenter. "My name's TL. What's yours?"

"I'm-"

"That's nice. Anyway, you seem pretty hot. I can see why that guy with no eyes keeps hitting on you now. So how about me and you go somewhere quiet and you can give my Mew a check-up?"

"That's disgusting!" she cried, aghast.

"What are you talking about? I want you to check out my Mew for me." I opened the pokéball and allowed my only Pokémon to roam about the hospital. "Isn't that your job?"

"Oh my." She began to blush. "I'm so sorry for getting mad at you like that. I thought you may have been inferring that we do something sexual."

"Sexual? I don't even know your middle name!" I punched myself in the groin for using a Ke$ha reference. "What kind of filthy mind do you have?"

"I'm so sorry," she repeated, but I held my hand up to stop her.

"I don't need to take this," I replied in an unusually high-pitch. A tear rolled down my cheek…though that was probably because of my self-imposed groin punch. "I'm leaving." I threw the pokéball at Hello Kitty's head and walked out the door. And by "walked", I mean crawled.

Anyway, after a few minutes of weeping on a park bench, and having Hello Kitty blow up random Pidgey as they flew by, I began to feel better. However, that changed the instant I heard his voice again.

"It didn't work out."

"What?"

"I said it didn't work out. She already has a boyfriend."

"Who's saying that?" I twisted my head from side to side, panicking. "Grampa? Is-is that you?"

"No, it's me, Ritchie." A tap on my shoulder, and a punch to his groin later, I realized that it had been him talking to me the whole time. I gave a hearty chuckle as he laid on the ground in anguish.

"Sorry about that man. You really need to not sound like my dead grampa, though." I thought about giving him a hand, but then decided that if I helped him stand up, he'd never learn to do it on his own. "So what are you talking about?"

"She has some green-haired guy for a boyfriend already," he stated while crying baby-ishly.

_This looks like a job for TL: Super Matchmaker._

"This looks like a job for TL: Supper Matchmaker."

"Supper Matchmaker? That doesn't even make sense."

"Sorry. That was a typo." I pointed to the italicized sentence above my actual sentence. "I was supposed to say 'Super Matchmaker'."

The kid just stared at me for a minute like I was insane. Shows what he knows though. My psychiatrist says insane doesn't begin to describe what I've got.

Anywho, I jerked him by the collar and dragged him back to the contest hall. When we got inside, I was surprised to find the lobby empty, and I instantly came to the conclusion that everyone except me and the little Ash clone had died.

"I'll take Kanto and Johto, and you can take whatever other places there are."

"What are you talking about now?"

"It looks like we're the last ones on earth. There's no one else in this building."

"How would you just come to a conclusion like that? They probably already went inside to watch the contest that was starting up." He pointed to a couple of large, closed doors, from behind which came a large amount of noise.

I shrugged. "Maybe you're right, maybe I'm right. I guess we'll never know." Then I continued to drag him through the doors. To my surprise, he'd actually been right, though I'd never admit it. There were, like, a thousand people in this dark room all packed together and looking down. The only place with any light in it was the center of this room, where two people stood on opposite sides of some dirt field.

"Is this a dog fight arena?" I quickly reached for my wallet to make a bet. "I hope I can get Michael Vick's autograph!"

"No. This is a Pokémon Contest. That boy is the one who said he was her boyfriend." Ritchie directed my attention to some green-haired kid who was spinning a pokéball on one finger, as if waiting for something.

"That is so awesome! Do you think he could teach me to do that?" I took Hello Kitty's ball and tried spinning it, but instead it fell off my finger, hit the ground, and released my Pokémon. Expecting a battle, HK immediately vaporized everyone around him – or her -.

"Bad kitty," I reprimanded harshly while rubbing behind its ears. "The next time you do that, I'm not getting you ice cream." Fortunately, it had been a pretty quick attack, so no one seemed to notice the instant disappearance of over a hundred people…including Ritchie, who was staring over at May with a longing I'd never seen from him in the two hours we'd known each other.

This inspired me.

I began walking down towards the battlefield, determined. It didn't matter if this green-haired guy was really cool and could spin a pokéball on his finger. No one messed with my…um, acquaintance? Anyway, no one messed with his dream girl and got away with it. Once I reached the bottom, I tried to jump over the wall and onto the field, but I actually ended up just kind of leaping into the wall and falling on my back. I got up and went through the door instead.

"Stop! You guys have to stop this fighting!" I ran into the middle of the field, causing a large number of "boo"s to rain down upon me from the dogfight viewers. However, I've been booed many times before, normally while on dates, so I kind of have an immunity to things like that. "Don't you two see that you actually love each other?" I questioned bravely as someone threw a box of popcorn at my head.

"I know we do," the green-haired guy answered…he was so cool. "Me and May have been dating for over a year now."

"Oh! Oh, my bad." I blushed as a slushy hit my sneakers. "I didn't mean you guys. I meant her and my friend Ritchie." I pointed up in the stands to Ritchie, who was looking more awkward than me in Oklahoma.

The green-haired kid looked over at my wimpy acquaintance before glaring at me. "What're you talking about? We're together! We've been travelling for over a year now together!"

"That's right!" she agreed from the other side of the field. "I'm in love with Drew!"

Well, I have to admit that by now things weren't going like I'd expected. As a matter of fact, I hadn't really expected anything, but this situation exceeded even my own nonexistent expectations. How could I make her fall in love with Ritchie if they'd never met, and she was already in love with someone else? How was I going to get paid? How was I going to end this fic? I stood there, pondering these questions as snacks continued to hail upon me, kind of piling up at my feet now, until finally inspiration struck.

"HK, come here!" I remembered that there's one thing stronger than love…a kitten that can blow things up with her mind. "Lift them both in the air." Her - I decided it was a she because it became too much work writing "he or she" – body gave a blue aura as both of the lovers were instantly lifted into the air.

I smirked as the crowd began to gasp. At first I thought they were amazed at how good-looking I was, but I realized it might have something to do with my Mew. "Okay you guys. You have two choices. You can either let May fall in love with Ritchie, or I'll blow both of you up."

After a moment of stunned silence, May finally bowed her head. "Fine. I'll go on a date with that Ritchie guy."

"Thank you!"

A bright light suddenly shone around me, and I found myself back in the dimly lit room, reminding me of that really uncomfortable summer I spent at Uncle Al's.

"I-I don't think we can use that as an episode," Mr. Tito explained. He appeared to have been crying. There was a television screen on his desk, which I assume he used to watch what happened.

"But that was an awesome hook-up! You can't not use that!"

"No, no. I really don't think we can."

"Can I at least get paid?" I held out my hand.

"I'll pay you extra if you agree to never come back again," he stated, taking out a check.

I considered it for a moment. "Sorry man. No can do. My guffaw needs to eat."

He just stared at me again before breaking down into sobs. I, of course, gently lifted his spirits by stealing his wallet and walking out the office.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

See what I mean? What are the chances this fic will ever happen? Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and my little first-person narrative. Please leave me your thoughts in a review!


	5. Kitchenshipping

Well, the last few weeks have been hectic. I mean, between the various bar fights, prostitutes, drug deals, and random acts of kindness, I can barely pick apart the days, let alone how what you're about to read came to fruition. Of course, all those things and more are just the day-to-day goings on and minutia of a semi-acclaimed and barely respected fanfiction author such as myself, and the truth is most of my chapters are churned out of this hedonistic barrage of self-indulgence and compulsory egoism. However, these last few weeks have been especially tumultuous in all of the categories mentioned above, and, needless to say, it was in an unsettled state that my mind was able to actually comprehend writing something so terribly dismissive of the Pokémon franchise and, in a larger sense, humanity as a whole. Truth be told, I wavered in my determination to even release this chapter to the public after reading it (following the worst hangover/STD infections of all time). Despite my doubt though, I looked at the stats for this story, realized it had been six months since I last updated, and, in the tradition of all great authors, figured "screw it, they're just my audience". So, after much waiting, here is, as promised, the next installment of Pokémon Love.

* * *

Brock was out and about, doing whatever it is Brock does when he's not with Ash or dressing up like a girl to play mom with his thousands of brothers and sisters. So let's pick something…shopping! He likes to cook, right? Yeah, shopping, that works.

So our old friend Brock was shopping at the local grocery food store in Pallet Town. He'd gone down to visit Delia, Ash's mom, and Mr. Mime because, well, he's just a nice guy. Also, he was getting these groceries before he got to the house for the same reason.

_I'll make her something to eat as a surprise, _he figured, despite the fact that he was actually going to be the guest, and as any British person (or anyone else with a funny accent) can tell you, it's impolite of the host not to serve meals to visitors. Fortunately, and much to my relief personally, British people don't exist in the Pokémon world, so he didn't know this.

"I'll buy these," he told the cashier, plopping all of the goods he'd collected in his arms in front of the old man. "They seem like the perfect ingredients for a friendly, completely platonic, harmless supper."

Little did he realize that the old man at the register was actually a young, aspiring fanfiction author in disguise.

Who was also handsome.

Yeah, he was young and handsome.

…and Texan.

Anyway, the old/young/Texan man gave the oddly polite fifteen year old a mischievous look. "You know what would go well with these ingredients?"

Brock gave the old man an inquisitive look. "What?"

"Some of these." The old man cocked his eyebrows suggestively as he slid a packet of pills across the counter.

Brock squinted at the label, a confused look on his face…also, he was always squinting.

Seriously, what minority is he representing so poorly and offensively?

Anyway, he squinted (HA!) at the label and then gave the man a confused stare. "Why do I need a laxative?"

"Whoops," I-I mean-the old man said, taking back the pills hurriedly and with great shame. "I mean these." He handed Brock the anime version of Viagra.

"Whoa! I don't need these!" The young man disgustedly threw the pills back at the old man, who quickly shoved them back into his hands.

"Yes you do! I need you to hook-up with Delia tonight!"

The mixed look of disgust and angst that pierced Brock's features could only be surmised in one word; weird.

"You look weird," the old man noted, obviously running out of adjectives. He reached for a thesaurus. "One sec…the readers will chew me out if I use the same descriptive word twice in one page."

He flipped through the book while Brock remained with that…well, you know, _that_ look on his face.

"Oh, here it is! You look peculiar." The old man then laughed at the word because it sounded funny, and totally not because he was completely baked at this point in the story.

"Maybe I'll just go get my groceries from somewhere else," Brock suggested, looking a little frightened as he backed away. "And you…maybe you should get some psychiatric help or something."

"I don't need your weird Asian remedies for my mental illness," the man retorted, praying that he'd guessed the right race. "Good ole' American booze suits me just fine, thanks."

"Um, okay then," Brock said, slowly backing further away. The old man could tell he was silently praying to Arceus or Celebi or whatever Pagan creature these people worshipped, asking that he didn't die right here at the hands of this clearly deranged man. "I'll just be going, but I really appreciate your…your whatever, okay? Please don't hurt me."

The old man gave him a peculiar grin. "Oh, but I've just begun to help!" He suddenly jumped over the counter in one leap, which might have been more like five or six, but who's counting?

"How could you do that?" Brock asked, again surprised, though he really shouldn't be after all that had happened at this point. "You're just an old man!"

"That's where you're mistaken!" The old man quickly reached for his faux beard and wig, pulling both off in one swift motion. "I'm Texas Longhorn!"

Lightning crackled across the sky as dark clouds rolled in from all around. Spearow began screeching and flying haphazardly through the air and babies began wailing as the fourth wall shattered throughout the Pokémon universe.

"Huh, that was weird," I noted, no longer having to hide behind the putrid curtain that was the third person. "Anyway, I'm Texas Longhorn, and I'm here on a special mission."

"Um…" Brock seemed a little too interested by the fact that one shopper had suddenly spontaneously combusted.

"Oh, don't worry about that," I assured flippantly. "He's just on fire, is all."

"B-but why?"

"Because I'm not supposed to be in this world. Like I said, I'm here on a special mission."

"Are-are you God?" He began quivering, and I quickly checked a dictionary to make sure "quivering" was the right word.

I shook my head. "I may be the best-looking guy/superhero in the world, but no I'm not. I'm just the author of your story."

"My-my story? What are you talking about?" He looked scared, and I meant to give him a hug, but he backed away.

No, that didn't hurt my feelings at all.

"Well, that's totally not rude. Anyway, I mean the story you're in now. I've written that you're in Pallet Town, and I wrote that you're going to visit Delia."

Despite his worried state, he managed another question, albeit still trembling with every word. "If you're th-the author, then w-why are you h-here talking to me?"

"Because my fans are angry," I answered, in a sort of bellowing voice that I thought might command respect. "They haven't seen an update to this story in many moons, and I'm pretty sure some of them are dead after all this time."

"What's the story about?" he asked, seeming to calm a little after the burning man put himself out with a gallon of water on one of the shelves. Also, most of the Spearow had shut up after flying into the store window by this point.

"In my story, unlikely couples from the Pokémon universe are created," I explained. "Sometimes it's easy, like with Misty and Psyduck-"

He interrupted my small speech with a laugh. "That's ridiculous!"

"You'd think so, but I made it happen!" Lightning crackled again, and I laughed maniacally…though I do that even without lightning most times. "I'm the best Pokémon author in the world. I can make anything plausible within your realm…except for one thing."

"What's that?" he questioned.

"I cannot figure out a way where I can successfully match you and Delia together. I've tried many times, but every time the story turns out convoluted, and I end up screaming at my reflection for hours."

"Ash's mom? You want me, fifteen year old Brock, to…go out with Ash's thirty-something year old mother?"

I shook my head. "Of course not…but the fans demand it!"

More lightning at this point, which was getting kind of annoying to me.

"What kind of sickos would want to read about something like that?"

"You wouldn't believe," I answered sadly, quickly grabbing a bottle of scotch off one shelf and downing it entirely. "You wouldn't believe."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

"So-so what's the plan? I'm not even interested in Delia like that," Brock explained as we walked back to the Ketchum household. "I mean, I guess I wanna help you out, if for no other reason than at least so you can leave and this nightmare can end, but how can I get interested in her just like that?"

I nodded, sage wisdom coursing through my brain's neural circuitry…along with blood and other gross stuff.

"I've pondered this same question. Mind you, the story has to be comedic while simultaneously bringing you two together. This is where the trouble has always been…but I think I have a solution."

We arrived at the Ketchum doorway.

"See, I haven't been able to figure out how to get you into her, but it was easy getting her to like you," I explained, finger on the doorbell.

He gave me what I suppose was another questioning glance, though I was getting tired of those.

"You see, she's a lonely, single mother. Her age and situation make her the prime target for a mid-life crisis…and what goes better with such a crisis than a small, illicit love affair with someone half her age?" I pressed the button.

"So…so you've made her interested in me?"

I smiled. "I've made her in love with you."

"But how's that gonna help me get interested in-whoa!"

His question was cut off by Delia, who opened the door and, in one fowl swoop, dropped his jaw.

_It looks like my work here is done, _I thought benevolently as I watched Brock ogle Ash's mom…wow even drunk I don't like how pervy that sounds. Still…

"Wait, where are you going?" Brock asked, seeing that I was beginning to disappear from view.

"Back to where I belong," I answered sadly. "I don't belong in this world." I expected a teary goodbye from the squinty-eyed one, but was surprised to see he'd lost interest in what I was saying pretty quick as he turned back to admire the thirty year old woman's…um, eyes. Yeah, eyes. That's all guys care about…nice, big eyes…and breasts are nice too.

"Whoa!" I was suddenly flung back into reality.

I looked around hurriedly, afraid someone may have noticed my disappearance…but alas, all that time spent in the Pokémon universe had only been a few seconds in our time. The hobo remained sleeping on my bed, the prostitute was still passed out on top of my stuffed cat, and the guitar had even stayed clenched between her brown and yellow teeth. To my surprise, my roommate hadn't noticed my strange disappearance either, apparently still in shock at how I could have destroyed our dorm room to such an extent while he was in the bathroom.

"Phew," I swiped the non-existent sweat from my forehead. Looking at myself in the mirror, I gave a thumbs-up. "Now it's time to finish this little story."

"You-you look beautiful, Ms. Ketchum," Brock stated, quite obviously considering she looked _so_ _hot_. Seriously, she was like "wow!" in a stunning tight blouse and skirt, and…whatever else it is girls wear that looks attractive that I don't know the name of.

She blushed, but not 'cause she was embarrassed…it was more of a trampy blush, you know? You know what I'm talking about. It's like when you're on a date with some hot chick, and she acts all embarrassed, but then you find out she totally wants you after she drags you by the collar up the stairs? Yeah, that kind of blush.

"Thank you, Brock…would you like to come in?" She stepped aside to let the young man in. Though nervous, he knew he could handle the situation.

"Don't mind if I do!" He rushed in, and was unsurprised to find a table with two long candles in the middle of the living room.

"Wine?" she asked, sitting down and still looking _totally hot_.

"I'm only fifteen," he answered, still apparently an idiot.

"Okay, then here's some water." She reached across the table and poured him water. The angle gave him a perfect chance to admire her eyes, and he did. _He admired them so hard._

…which was stupid, 'cause if it was me, I woulda looked at the breasts probably, but whatever.

"Now, you have two choices," Delia whispered seductively from across the table, licking her lips seductively, and moving a strand of hair away seductively, and tying her shoe seductively, and turning down the volume of the T.V. seductively.

"What? I couldn't hear your whisper over the noise of that television that was apparently on, even though it wasn't mentioned until just now," Brock said, because I'm too lazy to scroll back up and include a T.V. in the description of the inside of the house.

"I said you have two choices," she shouted. It was unnecessary since she'd just turned down the T.V., but whatever. "We can have supper…or go straight for desert." As she mentioned the latter choice, Brock noticed the suggestive glint in her eye, and he gulped.

Finally, after a long pause, he finally nodded shakily. He was ready for this.

"Then let's get down to business."

Okay, at this point the author realized he'd inadvertently become a porn writer, and then he glanced at the T rating of the story…so yeah.

"Would you like two or three scoops?" she asked, pulling out a quart of chocolate ice cream from underneath the table. Miraculously, her shirt suddenly became looser as her eyes and breasts returned to normal size.

Brock was still nervous…after all, he'd never had more than two scoops, but he knew he was ready for three after all of this time. "Three, Ms. Ketchum…definitely three."

She gave him an intense nod before scooping out the ice cream and serving it to him. Then, over the ice cream, they decided to remain friends until Brock turned eighteen, and then they might begin dating, if Ash was alright with the idea.

Three years later, Ash was not okay with the idea, and this pairing still never happened, because it's freaking impossible to write unless your story's smut…which mine is, but it's wholesome smut.

The End.

* * *

For my next chapter, I'm taking Poke-Digifan123-awesomeJ's suggestion to write a Wrongpikashipping fic...Ash and Ritchie's Pikachu (Sparky). Keep sending in your suggestions, and I'll keep writing them! Most won't have me as a character like these last two, but sometimes...it's just fun.


End file.
